The Trouble with Women
by LostInTheDreams
Summary: I may hate one man more than I can describe but the women in my life… certainly make my days... fulfilling.


**Spoiler Warning:** This takes place directly after the events at the start of episode 783  
 **AN:** First person point of view belongs to Bourbon

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 **The Trouble with Women**

…

I stared at another glass in front of me. It wasn't the one I had been drinking out of and there was a bright red color to it. I pushed my hand into my hair, using the hold to rest against the high counter.

"Who sent this?"

"The woman over there did," the bartender informed me, pointing down the stretch of people off to somewhere I couldn't see. I tipped my head but didn't try to move very much.

Vermouth was my guess as to the donor, but seeing as the bartender made it, it wasn't as if there was poison, and Vermouth would be cleverer about it.

I was having a bad day full of too many memories. Maybe another drink wouldn't hurt.

Too bad Vermouth, or whatever mysterious woman it was, had a sweet tooth.

" _Disgusting_ ," I spoke to myself under my breath. It was nothing but artificial flavor, alcohol, and sugar, like someone melted a Popsicle into some vodka.

I drank it anyway. It went terribly with the older, more bitter flavor of the house drink I had been ordering and reordering. I hadn't found Akai. That fact bothered me terribly. I knew he was alive, he'd shown himself to me. I had just wound up running in circles though, into a trap that someone else had set, and I didn't know why they were sidelining me.

Akai was just a coward, hiding behind others. He'd always been that way. First it was that girl, that woman's daughter, and then it was his precious little F.B.I. buddies. Clearly he had a new babysitter now. The F.B.I. wasn't helping him, I was sure of that. I tested them myself.

"Sir, do you want another? You've had quit a few already."

I looked at the mostly empty glass, a thin line of pink liquid that had mixed a bit with the melted ice the only thing left in either of my glasses. Unfortunately it was hard to forget when my mind worked even as I tried my best to shut it down.

"One more." I pushed my first glass towards her. I didn't want another of the red drink.

The bartender nodded, though I watched her give me a long, steady look that I returned in hopes of easing her fear. It wasn't long after a woman that I didn't recognize came up to me and sat besides me.

I peeked at her, seeing her eyeing me. It wasn't Vermouth, that much I was sure of. Her hair was longer, half of it tied back in some strange mix of a band and ribbon so her hair looked longer than it was. The white stood out against her almost black strands. She had painted, done-up nails, the color of a dark blue ocean, and a half dress to match them. The whole ensemble was spotted lightly with white dots at the base that vanished as they made their way up, almost like stars in the night sky.

"Hello there. Are you all alone?" she asked casually, leaning forward once she caught me looking back at her so that her 'endowment' was more obvious. "It's no fun to drink alone."

"Some of the time it is." I took my now filled glass and lifted it, tipping it slightly to her. "I'm enjoying myself just fine." Taking a sip, I put it down. I should slow down, and that sugary drink from before wasn't sitting all that well with me now that I had the old favor of the first drink back in my mouth.

The woman huffed as if I'd greatly insulted her. Maybe I had. Her dress didn't look all that expensive though, and I was sure if I had cared to change clothes that I could have found something in my closet that looked better. To be fair, her standards couldn't be that high if she was trying to pick up someone in a bar.

"You're not very nice."

"No," I admitted. "But then again, I'm a stranger to you, and I'm drinking. You can't expect me to be a perfect gentleman. I'm not interested in a relationship, if that's what you're looking for."

She sighed. "So you have a girlfriend already."

No, no I didn't. Having a girlfriend with what I did would be far too dangerous. I had enough loose ends to worry about every time I had to contact someone outside the organization. "Happily together for a few years now. Sorry." _Married to my work, dear_.

"Fine."

She got up and I watched her walk off, back towards where she had come from at the other end of the bar. Finishing my drink, I stood up and had to place my hand on the counter.

I hadn't felt the alcohol while I was sitting down. Maybe I had had too much.

"Sir?"

"It's fine. I won't be driving." I made sure my keys were safely in my pocket and headed out, feeling my feet not go exactly where I had told them to but I didn't stumble, so that was good enough. Maybe I could get Vermouth to pick me up. I didn't feel like spending the night in my car.

Something hit me hard and fast and I didn't see the ground very well until I was kneeling on it, one had at the back of my head while the other stayed near my knee, keeping me off the cement.

"Thought you'd never leave. Didn't see you in today. I thought I wouldn't get my chance to say hi."

Blinking, I kept my head down, peeking up from beneath my bangs. There was a man behind me, a hand on my shoulder, and too far back for me to make out any details. His voice sounded vaguely familiar though. "I suppose I've been greeted worse before."

"Smart ass."

Something hit above where I had my hand, my head telling me that the mix of drinks and violence was too much. I took a few breaths once I fell the rest of the way to the ground, trying to stop the world from spinning. It was hard to get my hands under me but training goes a long way and I knew I had to get to my feet.

"Get over here!"

If not for the fact that I was still wearing my jacket, the pull would have likely choked me. As it was I as able to slip my arms out of the sleeves and roll forward.

I shouldn't have done that.

I landed on my legs just fine but the world spun and turned crazy colors that I didn't know existed, distorting any view of anything I had. I couldn't do much besides throw up.

My attacker cared about me being sick only a few dozen seconds. He must have had some kind of rope because he pushed me to the side and I felt it scrape across my wrists as he tried to restrain me.

That, there, was a bad idea on his part. I wasn't able to see but holding my hands behind me meant I knew where he was. Twisting to kick at him, one of strikes making him lose his breath, I bought myself a minute, maybe a minute and a half, before he had me on my back and secured my hands _and_ my feet.

"Bastard."

 _Idiot,_ I thought back. He hadn't tied my hands and feet to one another so I still had a good range of movement. I wasn't feeling well though so I let my body rest a bit while he pulled me up by my shirt this time and dragged me over to my own car.

I could hear him retrieving my jacket and looking for my keys as I rested against the vehicle, half on the ground still as my elbow held me up and my neck was at a painful angle. Apparently fighting while a bit intoxicated wasn't my strong suit.

He wound up near me, searching my pants pockets before finding them. I let him. I couldn't really fight him with the position I was currently in, though the adrenaline was wearing off a bit. I wasn't really afraid of him since I couldn't see a gun on him and he wore far too much red to consider that someone was deciding to pick me off.

I really hated that color too.

I was dragged up to my feet and thrown into the backseat of my own car. The driver, a man near my own age, if not a bit younger, turned the ignition on. I winced when he hit the pedal hard enough for me to hear it a few times, trying to shift the car.

"It's a manual."

"Shut up! I figured that out already!"

I sighed, leaning back while he nudged my car backwards slightly, stalling it. "Foot on the clutch when you're shifting gears. You're going to need to have it on there when you stop too. Ease off the bre-"

"Shut up!"

"I don't want you to break my car and I'm sure you don't want to get pulled over," I shouted back, not meaning to put so much anger into my words.

"Fine." The man slammed his hand on the wheel. "Explain it or I drive this thing into a wall."

The ride was a lot more calming than it should have been. My head was resting against the seat as I closed my eyes, any motion sickness not coming upon me, likely because I was laying down and not watching the lights flash past the window. Speaking likely helped too, as it gave my mouth and my mind something else to preoccupy themselves with.

We were gone maybe twenty minutes when the man stopped the car, using my instructions when he asked for them. I was pulled out a short time later, landing outside the door and on my butt while the man looked down on me.

"So, what did you want with me?" I wasn't very good at waiting when dealing with fools, and this man had just attacked me where there could have been possible witnesses, in front of a bar no less which likely had cameras.

To be fair we were somewhere dark now, no real sounds but those of distant cars coming to me.

The man laughed to himself, shaking his head and sticking his hands in his pocket. "As if you don't know. I've seen you around before, a lot. I'm sure you know me. You and Azusa-san…" There was a pause there, the corner of the man's lip moved up in a scowl.

"Ah." I didn't need more than that. I had seen this man before, possibly. There were a lot of guys that came to the café looking for Azusa-san. She had issues with stalkers a few times. The master and I had taken care of most of it, and being a detective I had been able to help her out a little more.

"Don't act like you know everything!" The man kicked me, getting a few lower ribs and making me wince. I didn't like my hands behind my back.

"I'm not her boyfriend," I clarified before this went further than it already had. "I just work with her."

"Yeah, right. I've seen you walk home with her, more than once too."

"She has stalkers. I'm sure you noticed that others are interested in her." I nodded to him. "Sometimes she likes company when she has late shifts. You can't fault her for that."

"Too much company if you ask me. It's not like I'll believe anything you say anyway."

To be fair I had to give the man credit for that. If I were in fact her boyfriend I would have been lying through my teeth to get out of this situation. He couldn't be dumb as some of his actions led me to believe.

And I also felt really sick.

I took a few breaths and kept my head against the car. There was a wound there, somewhere in my hair. I could feel it throb painfully where I was putting pressure on it. Having my head tipped up and on something cool felt good though, or at least holding in whatever was left in my stomach and being in pain seemed more appealing than the alternative.

"So now what?" I asked. "You won't believe me, and with good enough reason. I'm really not her boyfriend and there's nothing you can get out of me even if I was. I doubt you'd kill me if you really did think I was her boyfriend. You'd make Azusa-san sad if you did that. So what's your plan?"

"Make you disappear. I have this." There was a light and I could see my phone held in his head. "If you leave she has no reason to look for you and neither do the police. You would have left her so I'll be there to help with any of that sadness."

I had to smile. This man couldn't even drive my car without help. He clearly knew nothing about me - at least, nothing such as the obvious facts that I drove a manual, would routinely meet with a female (though Vermouth did like to change that up now and then), and lived in an apartment where I had a second phone that I used twice or so a month with a caller on the other end that would be very perturbed if I didn't check in.

I smelled gas the second the man put my phone down and opened a container beside him that had not originally stored the liquid. He threw it over me and I had to cough. The smell was fine when there was just a small amount but drenched it in made my head spin even more than it already was.

"Password." He flicked a match. I watched the flame through stinging eyes that I managed to open. "Or you're barbeque."

I took in and let out a breath. Alright. I was hoping for a little more time but the world would have to sit still while I worked in it. "It's 086990."

The second the man was working on the screen I moved, getting my hands under my feet and quickly working on both the ropes. It should have taken me less time than it did but I was done well before he noticed what was happening, found a safe place to put my phone, and was standing before me while I stood unrestricted.

I shook my head very slowly at him. "You have to learn how to tie knots better. Now, how to correct an impertinent child?"

The fight didn't take that long. I'd been practicing for a long time and, even with a few of my strikes missing where I wanted them to land, he was out in less hits than I had fingers on one hand. I admit, I was a bit tipsy still. I kicked him just for some petty revenge.

Picking up my phone I did my best to keep it clean. I had very few phone numbers in the phone and was forced to type in the keys I needed. The phone rang a few times before it was picked up.

"Do you know how late it is?" There was some tiredness there but most of it was faked. It was easy to tell after spending so much time with someone whose every other word was a lie. "This had better be important."

"Not really," I admitted. "But I need a favor from you. I need to borrow some clothes. The ones I'm wearing now are a bit ruined. You'll probably need you to grab a few towels too."

There was silence. "Okay… why would I do that for you?"

"Because I can't drive drunk. Hurry up and get over here."

"You're going to need to tell me where you are first."

That was a good question that wasn't even a question. Wherever I was, it was fairly dark. Maybe that was because I had been staring at the phone screen too long.

Making sure not to put my hand on the car to steady my steps, I walked around. There was nothing but a wall in front of my unconscious attacker and me. Behind me wasn't much of anything either. An inch or two separated my car from another wall. Looking down the long stretch of walls, there was nothing but darkness. At the other end there was light and it looked like either two small alcoves or an ally where one must have met the one I was currently in.

I won't admit to groaning in the phone when I realized I'd have to walk to the end of the endless stretch of concert to figure out where I was. "One moment."

Her laughter in the phone echoed around me even as I took it away from my ear and made my way slowly towards the light.

There were cars and noise and a lot of stimulus that my brain wasn't ready for. I closed one eye, fighting off the head pain and looking for a street sign. Thankfully I didn't have to bother, recognizing a business across the street from me, a bank I'd been to before, that Vermouth could easily find me across from. I gave her directions, retreating back into the dark and sitting down to wait for her.

Apparently I had a hidden talent of being able to fall asleep in such a situation, waking only when headlights were in my face and forcing me to lift my wet, overly scented sleeve as close to my eyes as I dared.

"Wow, you really are drunk. How'd you get here?" Vermouth's heals clicked on the ground as she exited, the sound of the car door closing behind her as she came over. "Kami, you stink."

"I'm trying on a new cologne. Did you bring the towels?" It was very hard to look at her over all the light.

"Here." I felt the scratchy material of cheaper cloth on my hand as one landed on my arm, the other falling somewhere at my side. "You're not getting in my car like that."

"We can take mine. I can't have it out here anyway." Standing again was hard but I did it, trying to wipe at my skin that was red and dried in places. I cursed to myself. I couldn't go back to my place like this though. Vermouth would know where I lived. "Can you get us an room for the night?"

"Oh, planning on having a little fun? Sorry, sweetie, but gas monkeys aren't really my thing. You paying?"

"Yeah." I still felt a little sick and did my very best to deal with her having obviously left the headlights on me to see her eyes. "Go put your car somewhere no one will notice. I'll take you back tomorrow to get it."

She nodded and I listened more than watched as her heels clicked away once more and I was left in a very colorful darkness again. I blinked my eyes some more, wiping at my face and feeling it burn.

Vermouth came back a short time latter without her car, holding her hand out to me. "I'll bring it up. It's that one in the back, right?"

"Yeah. I don't have the keys." That fact only just occurred to me. I had taken just my phone back. "They might be in the car. If they aren't the man on the floor has them."

I was able to see her when she looked at me this time. "There's someone back there?" _Anyone I have to take care of_? was left unsaid. We were all worried about one of the others turning on us and leaving us for dead. Vermouth was of better use to me alive though, and she knew well enough not to have me killed off.

"Don't worry. I'll take care of it before we leave."

She nodded, saving me the walk and going to get my car. It would have been a friendly gesture if I hadn't had to go back that way anyway and my uneven, slower footsteps followed after hers.

"I said I'd bring the car."

"Taking care of some loose ends."

The world was still moving far too much when we made it back. I bent down, finding my keys in his pocket and tossing them to Vermouth. I tipped my head. "Move it up still. I'll be there in a bit. Here." I tossed her the towel I hadn't used yet. "Put that on the passenger seat for me."

She nodded. We really didn't need all that much instruction when it came to following orders from one another. I'd worry about that one day.

My car blinded me and I left my eyes closed as she backed it up the way it must have come through, turning into the other ally before facing it towards the street and waiting for me. I did a little more searching once the lights were gone, finding what I needed.

I took the rope that had once held me back, tying it around the man's wrists, only in front of him. I shook him then, hitting him for the pure fact that I could, instead of out of wanting to help wake him.

"Ah, wha…" The other man blinked at me, looking around in the dark, likely able to see far more than I could.

I pushed him back so he was laying down, checked my surroundings again to be sure my addled mind wasn't missing anything, and walked a few steps away.

"Next time make sure you know who you're messing with." I lit one of the matches the man had on him and threw it back, the gas that was on ground where I had been igniting in seconds. I heard the man scream. "And get your facts straight."

I sped up a bit once the fire was going. For one I didn't want any of it to catch on me, for another I didn't want the man to run past me and have to do this all over again.

Tripping only a bit when I slowed down, I opened the passenger door and got in. Vermouth didn't wait for me to put my belt on and I didn't care to as she took off and I watched the smoke and light flicker from behind the buildings. There was some trash but the windows were high and metal. There'd be nothing much to catch on and the fire department would have it out before it had any risk of getting too bad.

"Are you going to tell me what that was about?"

"Tomorrow," I promised. We needed to talk anyway. I hadn't seen her since I had left her to talk to Kazami-san. I had to look into Conan-kun when I had the time too. Coughing, I knew all of that would be put on hold. I felt more vomit come up and had to tap on the glass. "Pull over."

I was sick for a minute or two, feeling Vermouth poke at me from her seat. Waiting until I could speak I turned to her. "What?"

"Here." She had my small jacket in her hand that the man had pulled off of me. "It's not much but you can take off that shirt. I don't like sitting next to you in the car as it is."

I didn't need it so I threw the shirt on the side of the road, knowing someone better than myself would pick it up. I was in no condition to do anything about it and I didn't need my car smelling any worse than it did. I was half afraid I'd be turned away from any hotel that I got within 50 feet of as it was.

The small jacket was on me a second after and I closed it, realizing how stupid I must look. I had to save whatever clothes she brought with for after a shower though.

Vermouth took care of everything. We didn't go far and she got us a room, under what name I wasn't sure. I made sure to stand far back and get her help temporarily while we were in the elevator. Besides wrinkling her nose at me she did nothing and said nothing as we went to the room and I practically fell into the shower.

The water felt good for all of a second before it touched my hair and I hissed in a breath, leaning against the wall and out of the way of the spray.

"I'm surprised." Vermouth voice startled me a moment before she knocked on the door, letting me know she was beside it and not ready to pull the curtain aside. "Do you need help?"

"I'm fine." I knew I had to wash my hair, if only to get the gasoline away from the wound that was there. The room was started to feel less warm and fuzzy. "Thanks."

"Sure."

I heard the door close and waited for a moment, grabbing at the curtain only to miss it the first time and succeed the next. Vermouth was really gone.

Letting out a breath I slowly washed my hair before deciding to just get it over with. Constant pain over a continuous amount of time was worse, and I was still slightly tipsy enough that I knew I'd forget about the pain once I was done with it.

My body was harder. I couldn't bend down very well and I ended up on my butt more than I wanted to be. After I was clean I knew I sat there for a while, letting myself be wet and a little bit cleaner each second, as there was no way I'd be able to get all of the gas off.

Getting up and shutting off the water was one of the hardest things I had done that night. Getting out, I saw that Vermouth had left a few towels, likely from the hotel, and the set of clothes.

She knew my measurements from the few times that I'd needed her help and jeans fit me just perfectly. The shirt I had a little problem with.

I left the bathroom, pulling at the soft cotton. "Purple?"

Vermouth was sitting in the only chair the room had, shrugging. "You didn't say what kind of clothes, and I didn't feel like looking for anything else."

"Right." I looked around the room, frowned, and then looked around it again just to be sure. "There's only one bed."

"I'm not about to sleep in the same room as you." A devil's smile was on her face and she lifted a manicured finger up to her lips. "Is that all you needed? It is late and I'm a busy woman."

"Yeah." Why would I even want to sleep in the same room with her even if there had been two beds? My brain were more messed up than I thought. "Yeah, that's it. I'll fill you in in the morning. Nothing really important happened."

The bed felt nice as I put a knee on it and laid down on my side, half curled up on myself as I tried to lay down. I had to thank her at some point for not turning on the light in the room.

I jumped a bit when I failed to hear any movement, only feeling something thin and cool across my cheek. I opened my eyes, Vermouth standing over me in the dark like some devil out to make a deal with that smile of hers.

Soon she was sitting beside me and her hand started brushing through my hair, making me relax when I wanted to do anything but while she was in the room. Body tired and mind too mixed up with concussion to care much, my eyes closed again.

It was something soft and fleeting, her touch. I felt like a child again. It was enough to ease the pain and make sleep come much more easily than it had before.

I don't know when she stopped stroking my hair but she was still doing it when I woke up hours later to the sun and a headache, though not as bad of one as I was expecting.

"You awake?"

"Yeah." I pulled myself away, more aware than I had been the last however many hours. I brushed my own hand through my hair, checking the damage. I doubted I'd be into work today. I'd call off later.

"So, Akai?"

I shook my head slowly, looking around. We still had my car here. "Let me drop you off, we can talk on the way."

…

I still felt terrible the next day but not as bad I had been. I was able to wash off the remaining gasoline smell by the time my afternoon shift rolled around the next day, debating whether or not to keep the clothes Vermouth had borrowed me. She likely didn't want them back.

In the end I just shoved them into a corner my room, getting dressed for work and smelling my car for the umpteenth time as I got inside, hoping the smell in there would fade with time. I'd have to buy a freshener.

There was still a lot to look into. Akai was back and had been back. I had been right. I had gotten the wrong target but I had been right about everything else. He could make my life hell if he wanted to.

I had a whole new reason to want to hunt him down now, but if I got too close the damned man had a way of forcing me to back off. He stated my name for that purpose. It was a threat. I'd just have to make sure he couldn't talk.

Going back to work, I made sure to warn Azusa-san that I had seen a man following her around and told her the description of the one who had assaulted me. She didn't need to know how far things had gone. I felt half-ashamed of my own actions. If he tried again I wouldn't be too drunk to handle it.

I'd be spending a few of my days the next few weeks offering to walk her home and having someone check in on that man. I was sure he survived, he hadn't been standing in the gas, but I could only guess at what he'd be up to next.

The women in my life certainly made things interesting.

With not much time to do my own research aside from what I already knew of him, Conan-kun walked into the café.

I looked at him, saw him look back up at me. He was another, someone who now was far more involved in my life than I would want anyone to be. If he and Akai were as close as they seemed, Conan-kun could very well know more.

Then he smiled. "Liar."

I had to smile back. There was just no other response to that. No, I didn't think Conan-kun would be an issue. There were so many secrets there that I could find out about him in return, and I would, because I was interested and something about the way Vermouth spoke about him had me even more so.

We both held dangerous secrets in our hands. "You're one to talk."

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…

…

*A/N: If anyone gets the password reference (you'd take out the 0's - that's just for Rei - kudos to you ^_^)


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